Parents are often quick to try and change how their unhappy child is feeling.
When a parent suggests to their child that there is no reason to be upset because they are at Disney World, disables them from truly understanding their child's internal world. Disney (or any other fun place) is not a guarantee of happiness! Most children grow up believing that a mother and father will both be an intricate part of their daily lives. A child coping with divorce may have mood fluctuations that are not always identifiable. The child who quickly become sad when boarding a Mickey Mouse ride in the absence of his father, may be so because of a link between something they had previously done with their father. Parents need to know when to listen, when to probe and when to accept sadness as a normal and healthy part of the human condition.
Teaching children that sadness is okay to experience is essential so that they needn't feel that the only permissible form of expression is happiness. Kids experiencing divorce should be permitted to share the full range of emotions that often accompanies transitions. Recognizing that a child is likely to experience erratic behavior patterns should give parents an awareness that they should not expect predictability during this time. Keeping a pulse on one's own feelings during these times is important to be able to interact in the most appropriate way during times of child distress. Parents who anticipate the possibility of their child's emotional rollercoaster are better positioned to be helpful to them when a difficult moment occurs. The key intervention is perhaps no intervention at all- it may be making your ears become as big as Mickey's.
Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT
Licensed Marital & Family Therapist
Bryon Remo CT practices in Southbury,CT and serves West Hartford, Farmington, Watertown, Oxford, Woodbury, Monroe, Seymour, Naugatuck and other surrounding communities.
