Couples today experience a multitude of stressors that compound existing marital conflict that often makes the idea of calling it quits seem appealing. Of course most couples are not quick to dissolve a marriage without at least entertaining some solutions even if they seem to repetitively miss the mark. Yet many others have little tolerance for the inevitable conflict that has the potential to create a deeper connection between couples.
Bryon Remo, M.Ed.,notes that couples who exhaust their options prior to choosing to part are often better positioned emotionally to accept their decision moving forward. When a couple decides to separate or divorce with little attempt at intervention they typically report feeling a sense of guilt or seller's remorse at not having done everything they can to save their marriage.
Many couples wait to seek counseling once their relationship is already beyond repair. Seeing a therapist when one has already checked out is sometimes a way to clear one's conscience when it could be an opportunity to hit a marital reset button and start anew. Not all relationships should be presevered, especially those in which chronic abuse or neglect may exist. However, Remo suggests that calling it quits too soon disallows couples the ability to learn what could not only be saved, but also something wonderful disquised within the mask of frustration.
Bryon Remo, LMFT, M.Ed, practices in Southbury, CT and specializes in working with couples and challenging adolescent issues.
