Post Divorce Co-Parenting is Key to Children's Transition

Bryon Remo Primer on Post Divorce Parenting

Many parents feel that if they get through their divorce their emotional energy will eventually be restored. And although this may have some truth for some, for others there is no end point to the inevitable emotional roller coaster that accompanies post divorce life for parents. Despite valiant efforts parents make to minimize the ill effects of divorce, they nonetheless have as their greatest challenge the need to communicate with their ex far more than perhaps they'd prefer.

Having to constantly communicate with one's ex regarding scheduling, kids' events, holidays and other matters is often a mentally draining process. Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT notes that, "Divorce often sucks the life out of people and yet there is no end to the emotional challenge of having to deal with the very person you chose to forever part."

Remo notes that despite this challenge it is important for both parents to be mindful of their children's need for structure, predictability and peace. When parents are able to communicate with a high level of regard for one another (despite their differences) they model for their children effective problem solving despite the obvious stress that accompanies such. Co-parenting does not equate to a need to agree on every issue, but instead to communicate more effectively than during the marriage. When parents are able to put the needs of the kids above their own anger, they can help their children minimize the challenges of divorce.

Bryon Remo is a licensed marriage and family therapist practicing in Southbury, Connecticut.

Calling it Quits Too Soon

Couples today experience a multitude of stressors that compound existing marital conflict that often makes the idea of calling it quits seem appealing. Of course most couples are not quick to dissolve a marriage without at least entertaining some solutions even if they seem to repetitively miss the mark. Yet many others have little tolerance for the inevitable conflict that has the potential to create a deeper connection between couples.

Bryon Remo, M.Ed.,notes that couples who exhaust their options prior to choosing to part are often better positioned emotionally to accept their decision moving forward. When a couple decides to separate or divorce with little attempt at intervention they typically report feeling a sense of guilt or seller's remorse at not having done everything they can to save their marriage.

Many couples wait to seek counseling once their relationship is already beyond repair. Seeing a therapist when one has already checked out is sometimes a way to clear one's conscience when it could be an opportunity to hit a marital reset button and start anew. Not all relationships should be presevered, especially those in which chronic abuse or neglect may exist. However, Remo suggests that calling it quits too soon disallows couples the ability to learn what could not only be saved, but also something wonderful disquised within the mask of frustration.


Bryon Remo, LMFT, M.Ed, practices in Southbury, CT and specializes in working with couples and challenging adolescent issues.

Think Healing Before Divorce

Many individuals come to my practice ambivalent as to whether or not they should pursue a divorce. Some say they are ready despite being in a very poor emotional state and with no plan for life after the breakup. It is understandable to seek out change when pain exists. The trouble with divorce, however, is not so much that it is never justifiable, it's that it does not address the most significant issues- most notably, the internal changes that need to accompany a change which is packed with a multitude of ramifications. Relationships which are high in conflict can mask the fact that individuals need to create a new mindset whether they choose to remain married or get divorced. When working with individuals I try to help clients shift there focus from "stay or go" to how to heal and feel empowered again. In essence, it is important to slow the mental train down and consider the changes that need to be made now regardless of the decisions that may ensue later. There is no doubt that for some a divorce will lift a heavy burden off their shoulders, and in some rare cases involving safety concerns it is a must. Yet it is important that the burden not be transferred to another part of their lives. For example, a woman who is certain she wants a divorce because she has been disconnected emotionally from her husband for years may feel instant relief by finally divorcing. However, if she has not learned to become more assertive herself,and express her feelings in healthier ways, this issue is likely to recycle itself in the next relationship. Marriages as well as other committed relationships need a greater awareness that conflict is not the wedge blocking couples closenness. It is how couples approach conflict that is most telling of its capacity to create closeness or fuel more heartache. In considering a divorce, it is important to think about how you can heal yourself and create a newer mindset that may allow for the decision to become more clear.

Pre-Marriage Counseling for Prevention and Protection

Couples who ride the wave of emotional and physical closeness do not tend to look at the idea of counseling as a preventive measure. Rather, they view therapy as something off in the distance needed only by those in crisis. However, marriages that long to thrive as opposed to merely survive are treated with maintenance and care throughout. According to Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT, relationships go through many different transitions over the course of time. Couples that stay connected are aware that challenging times are a natural part of relationship development. Relationships that consider pre-marital counseling have an opportunity to engage in conversations that most couples avoid. Participating in pre-marriage counseling gives a relationship an opportunity to anticipate life circumstances that are likely to occur and create dialogue around effective ways to approach such events. Life transitions such as having children, experiencing illness, job loss, financial hardship and death are essential topics that couples typically put off until they are immersed in such. Remo notes that couples who have the courage to discuss these delicate topics are better positioned to manage them down the road. Couples have styles of communicating which over the course of time either brings them closer together or creates more distance in their relationship. During the course of pre-marriage counseling, couples will learn their patterns of communicating, how they can learn from each other and how they can get “unstuck” when conflict ensues. Bryon Remo emphasizes couples needing to learn how to hit a “reset” button with their partner. Much of the pain the couples experience has little to do with what they are arguing about and more to do with an unwillingness to forgive, reflect and reset. Pre-marital therapy allows couples an awareness of the healing power of “do-overs” and how maintaining a pulse on your relationship can allow for a tolerance and understanding of the benefit of conflict that most couples seek only to avoid. Bryon Remo is a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT)practicing in Southbury, CT. He specilizes in creating emotional closeness with couples and supporting challenging adolescent issues. Remo serves the communities of Southbury, Watertown, Oxford, Brookfield, Monroe, Naugatuck, Woodbury, Roxbury, Bridgewater, Danbury, Thomaston, Seymour, West Hartford and Farmington.

Bryon Remo Primer on “The Marriage Mindset”

Many couples wonder what is the key to a successful marriage. They shop around everywhere from their family of origin to the church to counseling offices and endless online resources. There is plenty of information to be considered. Yet it can also be overwhelming trying to decipher whose messages truly have the highest impact in creating real lasting change. Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT notes that all information can be useful but there is truly one key ingredient that separates a marriage mindset from a non-marriage mindset- a consistent consciousness or pulse on how your partner is doing and experiencing their life. It almost sounds silly to print such as if it’s some big revelation- it’s not. But when couples keep each other in mind they are more likely to view their partner as an extension of oneself- someone they are less likely to neglect.

Couples can do many interventions, homework assignments and strategies to get close to one another. These things are great ways to express commitment to one another that you desire change. However, Remo suggests that sustainable marital happiness can only happen when couples do not disown their own needs, but are able to maintain an awareness of both their needs and their partner’s needs simultaneously. They needn’t play martyr and give up their personal pursuits or passions. They simply consider the impact of their choices on their partner. Maintaining a marriage mindset means not simply communicating better, but being willing to take stock at day’s end of how the coupleship is doing; to self-evaluate and work toward greater marital consciousness the next.

Bryon Remo is a licensed marriage and family therapist practicing in Southbury, Connecticut. He specializes in creating emotional closeness in relationships and working with challenging teenage issues. Mr. Remo serves the communities of Southbury, West Hartford, Oxford, Watertown, Seymour, Woodbury, Thomaston, Naugatuck, Danbury, Roxbury and Bridgewater, CT.

Making Time Not Excuses- Bryon Remo Primer on Marriage & Happiness!



Work, kids and social commitments place great demands on couples. Often unintentional, the busyness of life can squash a marriage. One day, couples look at their spouses and see strangers because the spark of courtship is long gone or a wall of resentment replaces the loving feelings they once shared. Wise couples stop making excuses and choose to prioritize their marital relationships in the midst of daily life.

Modern communication tools make it easier than ever for couples to stay in touch. Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT who practices in Southbury, CT, notes that consistent emails, tweets or texts give couples greater satisfaction with their spouses. Couples who seem to have little time need to be more creative with staying connected. A simple smiley face or a thank you for taking out the garbage creates positive feelings and reminds the spouse of their beloved.

Additionally, couples who spend physical time together feel emotionally connected to their spouse. Date nights at home or on the town without the kids are a requirement for couples who wish to nurture their marriage. Couples also nurture their relationship when they share coffee in the morning, go to bed at the same time, find mutually fulfilling hobbies and write love letters.

Regular counseling also improves a couple’s emotional connection. Remo notes that by talking about feelings, thoughts and issues, couples prevent minor irritations from developing into major resentments, bitterness or divorce. Making an investment in routine counseling prioritizes the relationship, promotes peace and connects couples amidst the busyness of daily life.

Bryon Remo is a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in couples issues and challenging teenage behaviors. He serves the communities of Southbury, West Hartford, Watertown,Woodbury, Seymour, Monroe, Naugatuck, Torrington, Thomaston, Roxbury, Bridgewater and Danbury, Connecticut.

The Importance of Treating Depression

Depression is like a dark hole that threatens to swallow a person. Plagued by overwhelming sadness, wearied from responsibilities and unable to find pleasure in normal activities, a depression sufferer often feels paralyzed. Professional help is needed to prevent the sufferer from losing his job, turning away from family or quitting life.

People of all ages suffer from depression. Men, women and children can feel the effects of sadness and fatigue in their daily lives.According to Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT, who practices in Southbury, Connecticut, depression can be quite manageable, but if left untreated can overwhelm a person's entire life. Depression primarily manifests itself through withdrawal, lethargy, disinterest, sadness or anger. The specific symptoms and depth of feelings differ between patients.

While depression may debilitate a person, it can be treated with therapy. After recognizing the symptoms of depression, a patient who agrees to undergo counseling can discover the sources of the dark feelings. He or she can move toward healing with helpful techniques suggested during counseling.

Remo notes that because everyone’s depression symptoms are different, a therapist creates a customized plan for each patient. In addition to medication, social support, nutrition, exercise and stress reduction help a patient manage depression symptoms.

In some cases, depression may be caused by an underlying medical condition. Underactive thyroid or medication interaction mimics depression. A professional therapist can diagnose the source of depression, prescribe a successful plan of action, and bring healing and hope to each patient.

Identifying an effective therapist makes the difference between finding healing and staying stuck. When choosing a professional therapist, look for a caring and supportive listener who connects personally with the patient. Clients are not looking for a book smart psychologist void of any emotional connectedness. They want to feel understood and cared for.

Depression affects thousands of patients each year. Instead of suffering with the sadness and fatigue, seek help. Find answers and healing with professional therapy assistance, and move forward with life.

Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT, specializes in working with couples and challenging adolescent issues.

He serves the communities of Southbury, West Hartford, Oxford, Watertown, Monroe, Seymour, Roxbury, Naugatuck, Woodbury, Bridgewater,Thomaston and Danbury.