Post Divorce Co-Parenting is Key to Children's Transition

Bryon Remo Primer on Post Divorce Parenting

Many parents feel that if they get through their divorce their emotional energy will eventually be restored. And although this may have some truth for some, for others there is no end point to the inevitable emotional roller coaster that accompanies post divorce life for parents. Despite valiant efforts parents make to minimize the ill effects of divorce, they nonetheless have as their greatest challenge the need to communicate with their ex far more than perhaps they'd prefer.

Having to constantly communicate with one's ex regarding scheduling, kids' events, holidays and other matters is often a mentally draining process. Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT notes that, "Divorce often sucks the life out of people and yet there is no end to the emotional challenge of having to deal with the very person you chose to forever part."

Remo notes that despite this challenge it is important for both parents to be mindful of their children's need for structure, predictability and peace. When parents are able to communicate with a high level of regard for one another (despite their differences) they model for their children effective problem solving despite the obvious stress that accompanies such. Co-parenting does not equate to a need to agree on every issue, but instead to communicate more effectively than during the marriage. When parents are able to put the needs of the kids above their own anger, they can help their children minimize the challenges of divorce.

Bryon Remo is a licensed marriage and family therapist practicing in Southbury, Connecticut.

Calling it Quits Too Soon

Couples today experience a multitude of stressors that compound existing marital conflict that often makes the idea of calling it quits seem appealing. Of course most couples are not quick to dissolve a marriage without at least entertaining some solutions even if they seem to repetitively miss the mark. Yet many others have little tolerance for the inevitable conflict that has the potential to create a deeper connection between couples.

Bryon Remo, M.Ed.,notes that couples who exhaust their options prior to choosing to part are often better positioned emotionally to accept their decision moving forward. When a couple decides to separate or divorce with little attempt at intervention they typically report feeling a sense of guilt or seller's remorse at not having done everything they can to save their marriage.

Many couples wait to seek counseling once their relationship is already beyond repair. Seeing a therapist when one has already checked out is sometimes a way to clear one's conscience when it could be an opportunity to hit a marital reset button and start anew. Not all relationships should be presevered, especially those in which chronic abuse or neglect may exist. However, Remo suggests that calling it quits too soon disallows couples the ability to learn what could not only be saved, but also something wonderful disquised within the mask of frustration.


Bryon Remo, LMFT, M.Ed, practices in Southbury, CT and specializes in working with couples and challenging adolescent issues.

Think Healing Before Divorce

Many individuals come to my practice ambivalent as to whether or not they should pursue a divorce. Some say they are ready despite being in a very poor emotional state and with no plan for life after the breakup. It is understandable to seek out change when pain exists. The trouble with divorce, however, is not so much that it is never justifiable, it's that it does not address the most significant issues- most notably, the internal changes that need to accompany a change which is packed with a multitude of ramifications. Relationships which are high in conflict can mask the fact that individuals need to create a new mindset whether they choose to remain married or get divorced. When working with individuals I try to help clients shift there focus from "stay or go" to how to heal and feel empowered again. In essence, it is important to slow the mental train down and consider the changes that need to be made now regardless of the decisions that may ensue later. There is no doubt that for some a divorce will lift a heavy burden off their shoulders, and in some rare cases involving safety concerns it is a must. Yet it is important that the burden not be transferred to another part of their lives. For example, a woman who is certain she wants a divorce because she has been disconnected emotionally from her husband for years may feel instant relief by finally divorcing. However, if she has not learned to become more assertive herself,and express her feelings in healthier ways, this issue is likely to recycle itself in the next relationship. Marriages as well as other committed relationships need a greater awareness that conflict is not the wedge blocking couples closenness. It is how couples approach conflict that is most telling of its capacity to create closeness or fuel more heartache. In considering a divorce, it is important to think about how you can heal yourself and create a newer mindset that may allow for the decision to become more clear.

Pre-Marriage Counseling for Prevention and Protection

Couples who ride the wave of emotional and physical closeness do not tend to look at the idea of counseling as a preventive measure. Rather, they view therapy as something off in the distance needed only by those in crisis. However, marriages that long to thrive as opposed to merely survive are treated with maintenance and care throughout. According to Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT, relationships go through many different transitions over the course of time. Couples that stay connected are aware that challenging times are a natural part of relationship development. Relationships that consider pre-marital counseling have an opportunity to engage in conversations that most couples avoid. Participating in pre-marriage counseling gives a relationship an opportunity to anticipate life circumstances that are likely to occur and create dialogue around effective ways to approach such events. Life transitions such as having children, experiencing illness, job loss, financial hardship and death are essential topics that couples typically put off until they are immersed in such. Remo notes that couples who have the courage to discuss these delicate topics are better positioned to manage them down the road. Couples have styles of communicating which over the course of time either brings them closer together or creates more distance in their relationship. During the course of pre-marriage counseling, couples will learn their patterns of communicating, how they can learn from each other and how they can get “unstuck” when conflict ensues. Bryon Remo emphasizes couples needing to learn how to hit a “reset” button with their partner. Much of the pain the couples experience has little to do with what they are arguing about and more to do with an unwillingness to forgive, reflect and reset. Pre-marital therapy allows couples an awareness of the healing power of “do-overs” and how maintaining a pulse on your relationship can allow for a tolerance and understanding of the benefit of conflict that most couples seek only to avoid. Bryon Remo is a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT)practicing in Southbury, CT. He specilizes in creating emotional closeness with couples and supporting challenging adolescent issues. Remo serves the communities of Southbury, Watertown, Oxford, Brookfield, Monroe, Naugatuck, Woodbury, Roxbury, Bridgewater, Danbury, Thomaston, Seymour, West Hartford and Farmington.

Bryon Remo Primer on “The Marriage Mindset”

Many couples wonder what is the key to a successful marriage. They shop around everywhere from their family of origin to the church to counseling offices and endless online resources. There is plenty of information to be considered. Yet it can also be overwhelming trying to decipher whose messages truly have the highest impact in creating real lasting change. Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT notes that all information can be useful but there is truly one key ingredient that separates a marriage mindset from a non-marriage mindset- a consistent consciousness or pulse on how your partner is doing and experiencing their life. It almost sounds silly to print such as if it’s some big revelation- it’s not. But when couples keep each other in mind they are more likely to view their partner as an extension of oneself- someone they are less likely to neglect.

Couples can do many interventions, homework assignments and strategies to get close to one another. These things are great ways to express commitment to one another that you desire change. However, Remo suggests that sustainable marital happiness can only happen when couples do not disown their own needs, but are able to maintain an awareness of both their needs and their partner’s needs simultaneously. They needn’t play martyr and give up their personal pursuits or passions. They simply consider the impact of their choices on their partner. Maintaining a marriage mindset means not simply communicating better, but being willing to take stock at day’s end of how the coupleship is doing; to self-evaluate and work toward greater marital consciousness the next.

Bryon Remo is a licensed marriage and family therapist practicing in Southbury, Connecticut. He specializes in creating emotional closeness in relationships and working with challenging teenage issues. Mr. Remo serves the communities of Southbury, West Hartford, Oxford, Watertown, Seymour, Woodbury, Thomaston, Naugatuck, Danbury, Roxbury and Bridgewater, CT.

Making Time Not Excuses- Bryon Remo Primer on Marriage & Happiness!



Work, kids and social commitments place great demands on couples. Often unintentional, the busyness of life can squash a marriage. One day, couples look at their spouses and see strangers because the spark of courtship is long gone or a wall of resentment replaces the loving feelings they once shared. Wise couples stop making excuses and choose to prioritize their marital relationships in the midst of daily life.

Modern communication tools make it easier than ever for couples to stay in touch. Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT who practices in Southbury, CT, notes that consistent emails, tweets or texts give couples greater satisfaction with their spouses. Couples who seem to have little time need to be more creative with staying connected. A simple smiley face or a thank you for taking out the garbage creates positive feelings and reminds the spouse of their beloved.

Additionally, couples who spend physical time together feel emotionally connected to their spouse. Date nights at home or on the town without the kids are a requirement for couples who wish to nurture their marriage. Couples also nurture their relationship when they share coffee in the morning, go to bed at the same time, find mutually fulfilling hobbies and write love letters.

Regular counseling also improves a couple’s emotional connection. Remo notes that by talking about feelings, thoughts and issues, couples prevent minor irritations from developing into major resentments, bitterness or divorce. Making an investment in routine counseling prioritizes the relationship, promotes peace and connects couples amidst the busyness of daily life.

Bryon Remo is a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in couples issues and challenging teenage behaviors. He serves the communities of Southbury, West Hartford, Watertown,Woodbury, Seymour, Monroe, Naugatuck, Torrington, Thomaston, Roxbury, Bridgewater and Danbury, Connecticut.

The Importance of Treating Depression

Depression is like a dark hole that threatens to swallow a person. Plagued by overwhelming sadness, wearied from responsibilities and unable to find pleasure in normal activities, a depression sufferer often feels paralyzed. Professional help is needed to prevent the sufferer from losing his job, turning away from family or quitting life.

People of all ages suffer from depression. Men, women and children can feel the effects of sadness and fatigue in their daily lives.According to Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT, who practices in Southbury, Connecticut, depression can be quite manageable, but if left untreated can overwhelm a person's entire life. Depression primarily manifests itself through withdrawal, lethargy, disinterest, sadness or anger. The specific symptoms and depth of feelings differ between patients.

While depression may debilitate a person, it can be treated with therapy. After recognizing the symptoms of depression, a patient who agrees to undergo counseling can discover the sources of the dark feelings. He or she can move toward healing with helpful techniques suggested during counseling.

Remo notes that because everyone’s depression symptoms are different, a therapist creates a customized plan for each patient. In addition to medication, social support, nutrition, exercise and stress reduction help a patient manage depression symptoms.

In some cases, depression may be caused by an underlying medical condition. Underactive thyroid or medication interaction mimics depression. A professional therapist can diagnose the source of depression, prescribe a successful plan of action, and bring healing and hope to each patient.

Identifying an effective therapist makes the difference between finding healing and staying stuck. When choosing a professional therapist, look for a caring and supportive listener who connects personally with the patient. Clients are not looking for a book smart psychologist void of any emotional connectedness. They want to feel understood and cared for.

Depression affects thousands of patients each year. Instead of suffering with the sadness and fatigue, seek help. Find answers and healing with professional therapy assistance, and move forward with life.

Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT, specializes in working with couples and challenging adolescent issues.

He serves the communities of Southbury, West Hartford, Oxford, Watertown, Monroe, Seymour, Roxbury, Naugatuck, Woodbury, Bridgewater,Thomaston and Danbury.

Bryon Remo Primer on Creating a New Experience for Teens in Therapy

Not surprisingly, teens are often the most difficult population to try and get into the counseling office.

It is not so much that they have little to say, it is that they have an erroneous perspective as to what effective therapy can look like. According to Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT, who specializes in working with teenagers in Connecticut, teens are looking for a different experience than what predominately exists. Sure therapists all offer a safe, confidential and supportive environment; that is par for the course. But today's teenagers are looking for a therapy experience that is much more honest and "real" than previously occurred. This means that they desperately want to know that a therapist "gets it."

Teens do not want to attend therapy in many ways because they do not believe a therapist will truly remain unbiased. According to Remo, teens are also worrried that they are going to be grilled with endless questions prompting them to open up in ways they are not ready for. It is important that teens feel that their view of the world is understood before they can be challenged to consider an alternative perspective.

Too often today parents want to see change quickly in their adolescents and assume the therapist will wave the magic wand that brings about such dramatic change. And although therapists have many tools at their disposal it is the relationship that always trumps the interventions in order of importancy. Teens need to know that they are fully accepted.

According to Bryon Remo, teenagers today want to know that they are not going to have to be so appropriate in therapy. They do not want to have to monitor each word that comes off their lips for fear of being judged as being inappropriate. When a therapist is able to speak the language of a teenager it does not suggest an endorsement of behavior unbecoming, but rather an acknowledgement that their style of communicating is recognizable and workable to the therapist. A therapist needn't be "cool" to connect well with kids, he/she just needs to know what's really on their radar.

Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT is a licensed marital and family therapist practicing in Southbury, CT. He specializes in couples closeness and challenging adolescent issues. He serves Southbury,Watertown, Oxford, Monroe, Seymour, West Hartford, Naugatuck, Farmington,Thomaston and Southington, CT.

Bryon Remo Primer on Creating Relationship Change Today!

Couples that enter therapy often assume that either there is a quick fix solution to their marital woes or they are in for a long arduous road. The truth is that both ideas are accurate. There are quick fixes that can impact one's relationship today and there are things that will simply need time to be experienced and sustained (i.e. rebuilding trust, emotional closeness and safety).

Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT notes that when couples stop analyzing their relationship and start "doing" things to improve it, they are speeding up the process of closeness. It is nice to have some insight into one's relationship but it is simply not enough to move it in a new direction- action must ensue. According to Remo, couples who simply take the risk of doing one small but conscious deed for their partner daily can have something to build upon that is not based on empty words. Couples often lack enough positive experiences to keep them grounded. When they begin to make little efforts to connect, it often leads to becoming comfortable taking greater risks.

It is often the case that couples will balk at such efforts because they feel that their problems are on a much deeper level. And although this is often true, there is a need to keep connecting while working through the layers that may need to be shed in order for even greater change to occur. Bryon Remo's work with couples encourages both individuals to work toward creating a shared vision of how they want their relationship to look. When couples begin with a fantasy, it slowly moves from unimaginable to possible sometimes much sooner than they realize.

Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT practices in Southbury, CT
http://www.ctfamilycounseling.com/

Couples Therapy for Maintenance

Many couples view therapy as a sign of weakness of their marriage being in trouble. Yet for many couples, the idea of regularly tuning up their marriage with some added insight, improved communication and action is often a small price to pay to maintain marital longevity.

Bryon Remo,licensed marital and family therapist, practicing in Southbury, Connecticut notes that, "Couples who engage in preventive counseling are often able to recognize that problems are an essential part of life and that maintaining closeness during times of trial is important for long term stability." They do not view conflict as a threat to their marriage, but instead see it as an opportunity for closeness. Couples counseling allows individuals to feel that they can weather whatever storm comes their way.

Couples that seek out therapy services are essentially feeding their marriage the gift of understanding, patience and giving. Most people who come to counseling are doing so in the aftermath of repeated patterns that have not shifted. They no longer see hopefulness going it alone. And yet, once they participate in counseling and can maintain an awareness of their desired outcomes, they often do quite well. This is true when ownership and willingness is high.

Bryon Remo strongly suggests that couples learn to play "tug o' war on the same side of the rope." That is to suggest that they view conflict as a shared problem as oppossed to a competitive process.

Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT
Licensed Marital and Family Therapist

Creating the Right Energy for a Healthy Divorce

Bryon Remo Primer on a Healthy Divorce

For long couples have stayed married for fear of harming their children, being alone, having their financial efforts crumble or avoiding ugly litigation that does further damage. Many parents do not realize that there are alternative ways to proceed during a divorce that has an outcome that is healing and helpful in moving forward.

Bryon Remo, a licensed marital and family therapist, notes that couples who long for a healthy divorce recognize that divorce should not be reduced to the pursuit of meeting one’s own needs and avoiding getting “screwed” as much as possible. Instead, it can be a collaborative and soul-searching process in which both parties realize that they needn’t be defined by their divorce. It can be shaped by the positive energy they put into creating a peaceful and empowering outcome. According to Remo, when couples recognize that their kindness and unselfishness empowers them, they often begin to feel a sense of confidence that divorce needn’t feel so ugly. Couples who use their divorce as an instrument for their own personal change often emerge on the other side a better person, parent and partner to their once spouse.To get to that end require a willingness to change old thought habits.

Bryon Remo suggests that couples who reinvent their relationship are able to do so because they use their painful past to assist their desired present. They come to understand hurtful words not merely as weapons but as information informing them of what’s still unfinished in their mindset. Creating a healthy divorce means caring about the process more that perhaps having ever cared about the marriage. Although this may sound odd, there is a need to use the process of divorce as a vehicle toward growth, not something that needs to be done as quickly as painlessly as possible. Remo further suggests that emotions serve as a source of illuminating what is needed in the process. Couples therapy can often help those pursuing divorce recognize that they can each truly find their best self through the process, not after its completion.

Bryon Remo is licensed marital and family therapist specializes in couples and adolescent issues. He practices in the Southbury, Connecticut area.When Bryon is not supporting families he is typically enjoying his own family, hiking, playing tennis, and performing stand-up comedy.

To learn more about Bryon Remo’s work go to the following links:

http://www.ctfamilycounseling.com/bryon_remo_index.html
http://www.bryonremo.blogspot.com/
http://bryonremo.wordpress.com/
http://bryonremo.weebly.com/
http://workface.com/e/bryonremo
http://bigsight.org/bryon_remo

Couples That Understand the Benefit of Silence

After a stressful day at work including endless traffic jams to endure before arriving home, talking is sometimes the last thing of interest to a mentally beaten down spouse. The couch, pillow, wine and a soft shoulder is what the doctor orders for these days.

These are the days that don't always seem to make sense and may seem to lack purpose. Is it really possible that your 20 minute grinder was the only reprieve from a day filled with annoying requests, annoying people and annoying everything else?

The return home on these days is a reminder of how home is the great escape, the sanctuary, the place of tranquility; where sanity can be restored. There is not always a need to process the day with one's spouse, especially if the day...well, sucked. A better intervention may simply be a state of quiet nothingness- no words, no thoughts, just being. A little pinot noir could be useful, but going backwards in dialogue does not always bring relief to the anguished partner. Spouses who have a keen pulse on their partner's needs can often sniff out the day's tension without having to prod. This 6th sense brings much relief to the spouse who merely wants to pretend he/she is not employed, if only for a moment.

Relationships often ebb and flow according to the ability of a coupleship to gauge what's needed at a given point in time. Whether a couple is married, dating or courting, there is a mental plugging in that allows these couples to stay conscious of each other's needs without having to say much at all; sometimes even nothing.

Bryon Remo is a licensed marriage and family therapist practicing in Southbury, CT.

Relationships: What Bothers Men Most?

It is widely agreed upon by both genders today that we are wired differently. Not dramatically (although that is debatable), but in certain ways that can cause unnecessary frustration if not recognized. Men DO NOT like to mind read! They are painfully aware that doing such adds another layer to whatever is currently at play.

When a man and woman seem to be in a good place there is a natural flow they both share. But when a woman becomes frustrated with her partner, the flow can be interrupted.

Of course she has every right to express her frustration, anger or disappointment. But unfortunately she does not always do such. And here lies the place of frustration for men.

Among couples, men are likely to assume that if an issue is not brought to the table, then there is no issue(at least not of pressing importance). Yet this is not always the case with women, who will often stow away matters of importance for an undisclosed time that she deems most relevant. This frightens men as it often unravels and reveals itself unexpectedly. When men appear dumbfounded because of their statute of limitations thinking, they can appear foolish and insensitive as oppossed to merely confused.

To be fair, men can be selfish, inconsiderate and mindless, and thus deserving of whatever words may come their way. But when these words come in delayed and random fashion, it not only creates more tension, but creates a new conflict that runs the risk of drowning out the old. This unintended consequence prevents important matters from being discussed in a collaborative way. And the very goal that a woman may have in helping her husband understand her, now gets lost.

Being assertive and more timely is necessary to know that each partner is on the same page. A child is not given time-out for something they did two days ago. Men and women need to be responsive to each other's concerns; and men are more likely to plug-in when they are not forced to connect the dots. They are okay with being humbled- they just want it in direct form.

Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT

Balancing Family Life with "Me" Time

Contemporary families are struggling in many ways- from making ends meet, to managing the schedules of several children, to finding the time to eat even one meal together per week, it is no surprise how couples feel strained and spent at the end of each week. To further complicate the universe, there is a need for each partner in a marriage or coupleship to have a little "me" time- hopefully free of guilt. This often gets cut from the budget and comes at a price tag that is difficult to gauge.

Having some time to cultivate individual desires outside of family life is often essential for couples to remain solidified. Although this may rightfully take the back seat to family obligations, for those who have personal passions, they needn't wait until their kids are fully launched to steal some time to themselves. Balancing family time with couples' time, along with individual time, is important for kids and spouses to remember that all parts of life need nurturing; and when they are completely abandoned, no matter how justified, they cannot help but suffer on some level.

Couples that talk openly and honestly about their needs are better able to create the time needed for some individual pursuits. Many times it is not a matter of how much time a member of a coupleship may have to him/herself that is important as much as it is about a mindfulness that each partner has about the other's personal pursuits. Couples that recognize the limitations of time are able to carefully schedule so that it doesn't get viewed as selfish or impossible. They view it as a key ingredient toward each being a better spouse, parent and family member.

Having a little "me" time often allows a parent to feel recharged and more capable of handling stressful circumstances that at times accompany family life. Hopefully couples that want to improve their marriage do not use their alone time to avoid marital/family issues, but rather to allow them the space to decompress and return more loving.



Bryon Remo CT, M.Ed., LMFT
http://www.ctfamilycounseling.com

Bryon Remo is a licensed marriage and family therapist serving Southbury, Newtown, Middlebury, Watertown, Oxford, Bridgewater, Roxbury, Monroe, Woodbury and other surrounding communities near Northern New Haven and Fairfield counties, Connecticut.

Divorce, Parenting and Paying Attention to What's Unspoken

Most parents are painfully aware of the difficulties their children experience when going through a divorce. Because of this awareness they will often spend more time with them, become more patient, and be less inclined to yell when upset. Despite these efforts though, there is one thing that many good parents overlook- listening.

Parents are often quick to try and change how their unhappy child is feeling.

When a parent suggests to their child that there is no reason to be upset because they are at Disney World, disables them from truly understanding their child's internal world. Disney (or any other fun place) is not a guarantee of happiness! Most children grow up believing that a mother and father will both be an intricate part of their daily lives. A child coping with divorce may have mood fluctuations that are not always identifiable. The child who quickly become sad when boarding a Mickey Mouse ride in the absence of his father, may be so because of a link between something they had previously done with their father. Parents need to know when to listen, when to probe and when to accept sadness as a normal and healthy part of the human condition.

Teaching children that sadness is okay to experience is essential so that they needn't feel that the only permissible form of expression is happiness. Kids experiencing divorce should be permitted to share the full range of emotions that often accompanies transitions. Recognizing that a child is likely to experience erratic behavior patterns should give parents an awareness that they should not expect predictability during this time. Keeping a pulse on one's own feelings during these times is important to be able to interact in the most appropriate way during times of child distress. Parents who anticipate the possibility of their child's emotional rollercoaster are better positioned to be helpful to them when a difficult moment occurs. The key intervention is perhaps no intervention at all- it may be making your ears become as big as Mickey's.


Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT
Licensed Marital & Family Therapist



Bryon Remo CT practices in Southbury,CT and serves West Hartford, Farmington, Watertown, Oxford, Woodbury, Monroe, Seymour, Naugatuck and other surrounding communities.

Couple Closeness

There are many ways for couples to maintain closeness. Through caring gestures, patience and compassion couples show each other daily how important they are to one another. There are a myriad of ways to show that you love your partner. Yet one concept seems to stand out among all when determining which couples are likely to be truly happy- the ability to forgive.

Being able to forgive one's partner is a way of saying that the relationship is always more essential than any hurtful action. It is a way of showing an awareness of the human condition. It is also a way in which couples see the opportunity in conflict. Many couple's view arguing as another black mark on the eventual demise of their marriage, when in actuality it could do the opposite. It could be the argument that leads to the understanding necessary for closeness. Marriages often succeed or fail based on how conflict is viewed. Marital therapy can help couples see the importance of becoming comfortable with conflict.

Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT
http://www.remocounseling.citymax.com/bryon_remo_services_1.html

Bryon Remo practices in Southbury, CT and serves West Hartford, Farmington, Watertown, Oxford, Monroe, Roxbury, Naugatuck and other surrounding communities.

Couples Who Create Change in Therapy

Couples often come motivated to counseling desiring change. Only the change they desire is solely from their partner. They often fail to view their relationship as a shared responsibility and because of this it creates a competitive element. They lobby hard to sell their virtuosity to a therapist who is only going to level the playing field despite their efforts to polarize the process.

When couples enter therapy with a willingness to be influenced by their partner the possibilities for change become greater. There is a hopeful spirit that tends to surround couples who believe that each is going to do whatever is necessary to mobilize their relationship.

As couples begin sharing their story, it is easy to assess what their intentions are whether or not they are clear in their explanation. There is a way of communicating that is easy to predict whether or not change is possible. When couples are able to provide a space for their partner to voice his/her concerns and can validate such despite disagreeing with it, then optimism begins to permeate the room.

Couples who create change in therapy are those who become increasingly comfortable with tension and do not become paralyzed by it. They are able to see disagreements as opportunities for closeness and understanding as oppossed to threats to their closeness. They are able to view conflict in a way that motivates them to become curious of their partner's view of the world.

Energy and the Modern Teenager

Too many teenagers today, besides being bored often seem sluggish and unmotivated. They struggle to entertain themselves and often turn to quick fix options that have no real sustenance. There are many factors that interfere with an adolescent's motivation. However, one undeniable factor is a lack of energy.

Kids are simply not physically moving their bodies enough to rid themselves of the multitude of toxins that invariable invade us all. Outlets such as facebook, texting, video games and television are sedentary tasks that keep individuals from truly experiencing the physical health that is desperately needed by today's youth.

Physical health promotes mental clarity and vice versa. However, it is not merely necessary to think positive. Those thoughts must translate into action steps that achieve real change. Teenagers need encouragement to become active participants in respecting their bodies as an essential (not optional) part of their daily living. Research shows that kids who exercise at least 30 minutes per day are far more likely to experience the mental health needed to make better decisions in their lives.

Another important factor to consider with teenagers is that they must take a closer look at their water consumption. Many people when tired attribute their fatigue with sleeplesnness, depression or hunger, when in fact it is often due to dehydration. Teenagers need to move away from the so-called energy drinks, that are really sugar drinks, and restore their bodies energy through the simplicity of water.

Obviously there are many reasons that lead to adolescents feeling unmotivated and lacking in energy. Each could fill a book or more. However, there is a need to help teenagers avoid the over analyzation of their lack of energy and simply help them devise a plan to bolster it. Much can be done to support adolescents, but movement and water are a great starting point.

Remo Counseling
Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT
http://www.remocounseling.citymax.com/

Slow the Earth Down!

When I wake up each day and check my email, twitter, linkedin and facebook accounts,I'm often confused as to what level any of it matters. And although I know it has some business and personal relevance, I sometimes find myself questioning at the expense of what else?

 I decided long ago that I was not going to plant my children in front of the television simply so that I can get tasks done. I have, however, at times found myself cheating on that goal as I justify some shows as educationally based. Yet each time I measure my little children on the pencil-marked wallpaper that gauges their height, I realize how quickly time truly passes.

  Most people would agree that balancing one’s time is an essential ingredient to personal happiness. As a daytime dad, and evening therapist,though, I often find myself immersed in "playland "or enthralled in "problemville," with little in between. It is the online connections that often feel like a nice retreat from both. This isn’t to suggest that I don’t find pleasure in both my children and work, as my kids are so much joy and my work is satisfying. It’s that some adult social time is needed to feel a sense of connectedness to big people, with mature minds, who understand the challenges of being a parent and professional in today’s world.

This generation feels like it is moving at the actual speed of the earth (1,040 miles per hour). In stories I’ve had with my parents and others from past generations they did not experience this crazy pace. Yet as the world turns and time passes it is remembering to stay truly connected to those that matter most. There is no need to feel guilt by stealing some me-time periodically. But this assumes that when we are with the ones we love we are truly WITH with the one’s we love; and not thinking about the next tweet, text, connection, friend, like or group that surrounds our real lives. Our real lives may someday include our virtual lives….for real! But until then and always,”Be wherever you are!”

Summer Planning Needed!

Summertime can be the most joyous and memory-making time of the year with the family. Yet it can also create the most madness- as scheduling, scheduling blunders and just the idea of schedules in general can be mind numbing.

Whether you are a planner or not, in the summer you should be! Too much can go wrong. Unless of course you live in Montana and have no desire to travel. I sorta envy that thought. Yet, I'm good with not having that thought too. Having a lot to do can be exciting and keep summer interesting (and free of boredom for little people), but it can sometimes take its mental toll on the adult world. Planning in some down time might be just what is needed to maintain the sanity necessary to endure the insanity.

Whatever your plans are for the summer, take a moment to ask yourself- "Is it supposed to be crazy? Is this unavoidable? Can we build in some quiet and relaxed time?" There is a reason that so many long for the serenity of autumn. It is not because the summer does not bring great joy, but rather that the fall represents what we need just a taste of in the summer- a deep breath,  a parked car, and maybe some guilt-free non-kid time!

Happy summer! :)

Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT