Bryon Remo Primer on Creating a New Experience for Teens in Therapy

Not surprisingly, teens are often the most difficult population to try and get into the counseling office.

It is not so much that they have little to say, it is that they have an erroneous perspective as to what effective therapy can look like. According to Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT, who specializes in working with teenagers in Connecticut, teens are looking for a different experience than what predominately exists. Sure therapists all offer a safe, confidential and supportive environment; that is par for the course. But today's teenagers are looking for a therapy experience that is much more honest and "real" than previously occurred. This means that they desperately want to know that a therapist "gets it."

Teens do not want to attend therapy in many ways because they do not believe a therapist will truly remain unbiased. According to Remo, teens are also worrried that they are going to be grilled with endless questions prompting them to open up in ways they are not ready for. It is important that teens feel that their view of the world is understood before they can be challenged to consider an alternative perspective.

Too often today parents want to see change quickly in their adolescents and assume the therapist will wave the magic wand that brings about such dramatic change. And although therapists have many tools at their disposal it is the relationship that always trumps the interventions in order of importancy. Teens need to know that they are fully accepted.

According to Bryon Remo, teenagers today want to know that they are not going to have to be so appropriate in therapy. They do not want to have to monitor each word that comes off their lips for fear of being judged as being inappropriate. When a therapist is able to speak the language of a teenager it does not suggest an endorsement of behavior unbecoming, but rather an acknowledgement that their style of communicating is recognizable and workable to the therapist. A therapist needn't be "cool" to connect well with kids, he/she just needs to know what's really on their radar.

Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT is a licensed marital and family therapist practicing in Southbury, CT. He specializes in couples closeness and challenging adolescent issues. He serves Southbury,Watertown, Oxford, Monroe, Seymour, West Hartford, Naugatuck, Farmington,Thomaston and Southington, CT.

Divorce, Parenting and Paying Attention to What's Unspoken

Most parents are painfully aware of the difficulties their children experience when going through a divorce. Because of this awareness they will often spend more time with them, become more patient, and be less inclined to yell when upset. Despite these efforts though, there is one thing that many good parents overlook- listening.

Parents are often quick to try and change how their unhappy child is feeling.

When a parent suggests to their child that there is no reason to be upset because they are at Disney World, disables them from truly understanding their child's internal world. Disney (or any other fun place) is not a guarantee of happiness! Most children grow up believing that a mother and father will both be an intricate part of their daily lives. A child coping with divorce may have mood fluctuations that are not always identifiable. The child who quickly become sad when boarding a Mickey Mouse ride in the absence of his father, may be so because of a link between something they had previously done with their father. Parents need to know when to listen, when to probe and when to accept sadness as a normal and healthy part of the human condition.

Teaching children that sadness is okay to experience is essential so that they needn't feel that the only permissible form of expression is happiness. Kids experiencing divorce should be permitted to share the full range of emotions that often accompanies transitions. Recognizing that a child is likely to experience erratic behavior patterns should give parents an awareness that they should not expect predictability during this time. Keeping a pulse on one's own feelings during these times is important to be able to interact in the most appropriate way during times of child distress. Parents who anticipate the possibility of their child's emotional rollercoaster are better positioned to be helpful to them when a difficult moment occurs. The key intervention is perhaps no intervention at all- it may be making your ears become as big as Mickey's.


Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT
Licensed Marital & Family Therapist



Bryon Remo CT practices in Southbury,CT and serves West Hartford, Farmington, Watertown, Oxford, Woodbury, Monroe, Seymour, Naugatuck and other surrounding communities.

Energy and the Modern Teenager

Too many teenagers today, besides being bored often seem sluggish and unmotivated. They struggle to entertain themselves and often turn to quick fix options that have no real sustenance. There are many factors that interfere with an adolescent's motivation. However, one undeniable factor is a lack of energy.

Kids are simply not physically moving their bodies enough to rid themselves of the multitude of toxins that invariable invade us all. Outlets such as facebook, texting, video games and television are sedentary tasks that keep individuals from truly experiencing the physical health that is desperately needed by today's youth.

Physical health promotes mental clarity and vice versa. However, it is not merely necessary to think positive. Those thoughts must translate into action steps that achieve real change. Teenagers need encouragement to become active participants in respecting their bodies as an essential (not optional) part of their daily living. Research shows that kids who exercise at least 30 minutes per day are far more likely to experience the mental health needed to make better decisions in their lives.

Another important factor to consider with teenagers is that they must take a closer look at their water consumption. Many people when tired attribute their fatigue with sleeplesnness, depression or hunger, when in fact it is often due to dehydration. Teenagers need to move away from the so-called energy drinks, that are really sugar drinks, and restore their bodies energy through the simplicity of water.

Obviously there are many reasons that lead to adolescents feeling unmotivated and lacking in energy. Each could fill a book or more. However, there is a need to help teenagers avoid the over analyzation of their lack of energy and simply help them devise a plan to bolster it. Much can be done to support adolescents, but movement and water are a great starting point.

Remo Counseling
Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT
http://www.remocounseling.citymax.com/

Slow the Earth Down!

When I wake up each day and check my email, twitter, linkedin and facebook accounts,I'm often confused as to what level any of it matters. And although I know it has some business and personal relevance, I sometimes find myself questioning at the expense of what else?

 I decided long ago that I was not going to plant my children in front of the television simply so that I can get tasks done. I have, however, at times found myself cheating on that goal as I justify some shows as educationally based. Yet each time I measure my little children on the pencil-marked wallpaper that gauges their height, I realize how quickly time truly passes.

  Most people would agree that balancing one’s time is an essential ingredient to personal happiness. As a daytime dad, and evening therapist,though, I often find myself immersed in "playland "or enthralled in "problemville," with little in between. It is the online connections that often feel like a nice retreat from both. This isn’t to suggest that I don’t find pleasure in both my children and work, as my kids are so much joy and my work is satisfying. It’s that some adult social time is needed to feel a sense of connectedness to big people, with mature minds, who understand the challenges of being a parent and professional in today’s world.

This generation feels like it is moving at the actual speed of the earth (1,040 miles per hour). In stories I’ve had with my parents and others from past generations they did not experience this crazy pace. Yet as the world turns and time passes it is remembering to stay truly connected to those that matter most. There is no need to feel guilt by stealing some me-time periodically. But this assumes that when we are with the ones we love we are truly WITH with the one’s we love; and not thinking about the next tweet, text, connection, friend, like or group that surrounds our real lives. Our real lives may someday include our virtual lives….for real! But until then and always,”Be wherever you are!”