Is There Such Thing as Healthy Arguing?
Healthy arguing is NOT the absence of arguing- as some might be wishing for. It is arguing with a shared purpose.
To argue is to care. It is to fight for something that you feel strongly about. There is no need to feel guilty for engaging in such a struggle.
However, arguing can often feel as if your partner is attacking or undermining your thoughts instead of considering why you feel so strongly in the first place.
Healthy couples are able to maintain a mindfulness of the greater importance of their relationship more than the mere benefit of winning an argument. They are able to see from their partner's perspective and give it as much attention as their own. These couples are not void of emotion- they are so aware of the emotions of their partner that they are able to both argue their point of view and simultaneously keep the pulse of their loved one in mind.
Arguing one's point of view does not mean being the "sacrificial lamb." It simply means that there is an awareness that both people have a need to be influential, and when arguing takes a combative approach, it is nearly impossible to care about another's perspective.
Couples who have the shared purpose of understanding are able and willing to engage in ANY conflict because they know that their voice will be respected no matter what the disagreement. This is not to suggest that these couple resolve all of their arguments. Instead, they are able to stay emotionally connected and recognize that their relational attachment is greater than any one issue in time. This allows them to use words with care.
"It is better to leave angry words unspoken than to mend a heart those words have broken."
