Bryon Remo Primer on “The Marriage Mindset”

Many couples wonder what is the key to a successful marriage. They shop around everywhere from their family of origin to the church to counseling offices and endless online resources. There is plenty of information to be considered. Yet it can also be overwhelming trying to decipher whose messages truly have the highest impact in creating real lasting change. Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT notes that all information can be useful but there is truly one key ingredient that separates a marriage mindset from a non-marriage mindset- a consistent consciousness or pulse on how your partner is doing and experiencing their life. It almost sounds silly to print such as if it’s some big revelation- it’s not. But when couples keep each other in mind they are more likely to view their partner as an extension of oneself- someone they are less likely to neglect.

Couples can do many interventions, homework assignments and strategies to get close to one another. These things are great ways to express commitment to one another that you desire change. However, Remo suggests that sustainable marital happiness can only happen when couples do not disown their own needs, but are able to maintain an awareness of both their needs and their partner’s needs simultaneously. They needn’t play martyr and give up their personal pursuits or passions. They simply consider the impact of their choices on their partner. Maintaining a marriage mindset means not simply communicating better, but being willing to take stock at day’s end of how the coupleship is doing; to self-evaluate and work toward greater marital consciousness the next.

Bryon Remo is a licensed marriage and family therapist practicing in Southbury, Connecticut. He specializes in creating emotional closeness in relationships and working with challenging teenage issues. Mr. Remo serves the communities of Southbury, West Hartford, Oxford, Watertown, Seymour, Woodbury, Thomaston, Naugatuck, Danbury, Roxbury and Bridgewater, CT.