Balancing Family Life with "Me" Time

Contemporary families are struggling in many ways- from making ends meet, to managing the schedules of several children, to finding the time to eat even one meal together per week, it is no surprise how couples feel strained and spent at the end of each week. To further complicate the universe, there is a need for each partner in a marriage or coupleship to have a little "me" time- hopefully free of guilt. This often gets cut from the budget and comes at a price tag that is difficult to gauge.

Having some time to cultivate individual desires outside of family life is often essential for couples to remain solidified. Although this may rightfully take the back seat to family obligations, for those who have personal passions, they needn't wait until their kids are fully launched to steal some time to themselves. Balancing family time with couples' time, along with individual time, is important for kids and spouses to remember that all parts of life need nurturing; and when they are completely abandoned, no matter how justified, they cannot help but suffer on some level.

Couples that talk openly and honestly about their needs are better able to create the time needed for some individual pursuits. Many times it is not a matter of how much time a member of a coupleship may have to him/herself that is important as much as it is about a mindfulness that each partner has about the other's personal pursuits. Couples that recognize the limitations of time are able to carefully schedule so that it doesn't get viewed as selfish or impossible. They view it as a key ingredient toward each being a better spouse, parent and family member.

Having a little "me" time often allows a parent to feel recharged and more capable of handling stressful circumstances that at times accompany family life. Hopefully couples that want to improve their marriage do not use their alone time to avoid marital/family issues, but rather to allow them the space to decompress and return more loving.



Bryon Remo CT, M.Ed., LMFT
http://www.ctfamilycounseling.com

Bryon Remo is a licensed marriage and family therapist serving Southbury, Newtown, Middlebury, Watertown, Oxford, Bridgewater, Roxbury, Monroe, Woodbury and other surrounding communities near Northern New Haven and Fairfield counties, Connecticut.

Divorce, Parenting and Paying Attention to What's Unspoken

Most parents are painfully aware of the difficulties their children experience when going through a divorce. Because of this awareness they will often spend more time with them, become more patient, and be less inclined to yell when upset. Despite these efforts though, there is one thing that many good parents overlook- listening.

Parents are often quick to try and change how their unhappy child is feeling.

When a parent suggests to their child that there is no reason to be upset because they are at Disney World, disables them from truly understanding their child's internal world. Disney (or any other fun place) is not a guarantee of happiness! Most children grow up believing that a mother and father will both be an intricate part of their daily lives. A child coping with divorce may have mood fluctuations that are not always identifiable. The child who quickly become sad when boarding a Mickey Mouse ride in the absence of his father, may be so because of a link between something they had previously done with their father. Parents need to know when to listen, when to probe and when to accept sadness as a normal and healthy part of the human condition.

Teaching children that sadness is okay to experience is essential so that they needn't feel that the only permissible form of expression is happiness. Kids experiencing divorce should be permitted to share the full range of emotions that often accompanies transitions. Recognizing that a child is likely to experience erratic behavior patterns should give parents an awareness that they should not expect predictability during this time. Keeping a pulse on one's own feelings during these times is important to be able to interact in the most appropriate way during times of child distress. Parents who anticipate the possibility of their child's emotional rollercoaster are better positioned to be helpful to them when a difficult moment occurs. The key intervention is perhaps no intervention at all- it may be making your ears become as big as Mickey's.


Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT
Licensed Marital & Family Therapist



Bryon Remo CT practices in Southbury,CT and serves West Hartford, Farmington, Watertown, Oxford, Woodbury, Monroe, Seymour, Naugatuck and other surrounding communities.

Slow the Earth Down!

When I wake up each day and check my email, twitter, linkedin and facebook accounts,I'm often confused as to what level any of it matters. And although I know it has some business and personal relevance, I sometimes find myself questioning at the expense of what else?

 I decided long ago that I was not going to plant my children in front of the television simply so that I can get tasks done. I have, however, at times found myself cheating on that goal as I justify some shows as educationally based. Yet each time I measure my little children on the pencil-marked wallpaper that gauges their height, I realize how quickly time truly passes.

  Most people would agree that balancing one’s time is an essential ingredient to personal happiness. As a daytime dad, and evening therapist,though, I often find myself immersed in "playland "or enthralled in "problemville," with little in between. It is the online connections that often feel like a nice retreat from both. This isn’t to suggest that I don’t find pleasure in both my children and work, as my kids are so much joy and my work is satisfying. It’s that some adult social time is needed to feel a sense of connectedness to big people, with mature minds, who understand the challenges of being a parent and professional in today’s world.

This generation feels like it is moving at the actual speed of the earth (1,040 miles per hour). In stories I’ve had with my parents and others from past generations they did not experience this crazy pace. Yet as the world turns and time passes it is remembering to stay truly connected to those that matter most. There is no need to feel guilt by stealing some me-time periodically. But this assumes that when we are with the ones we love we are truly WITH with the one’s we love; and not thinking about the next tweet, text, connection, friend, like or group that surrounds our real lives. Our real lives may someday include our virtual lives….for real! But until then and always,”Be wherever you are!”