Couples today experience a multitude of stressors that compound existing marital conflict that often makes the idea of calling it quits seem appealing. Of course most couples are not quick to dissolve a marriage without at least entertaining some solutions even if they seem to repetitively miss the mark. Yet many others have little tolerance for the inevitable conflict that has the potential to create a deeper connection between couples.
Bryon Remo, M.Ed.,notes that couples who exhaust their options prior to choosing to part are often better positioned emotionally to accept their decision moving forward. When a couple decides to separate or divorce with little attempt at intervention they typically report feeling a sense of guilt or seller's remorse at not having done everything they can to save their marriage.
Many couples wait to seek counseling once their relationship is already beyond repair. Seeing a therapist when one has already checked out is sometimes a way to clear one's conscience when it could be an opportunity to hit a marital reset button and start anew. Not all relationships should be presevered, especially those in which chronic abuse or neglect may exist. However, Remo suggests that calling it quits too soon disallows couples the ability to learn what could not only be saved, but also something wonderful disquised within the mask of frustration.
Bryon Remo, LMFT, M.Ed, practices in Southbury, CT and specializes in working with couples and challenging adolescent issues.
Showing posts with label CT. Show all posts
Showing posts with label CT. Show all posts
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Making Time Not Excuses- Bryon Remo Primer on Marriage & Happiness!
Work, kids and social commitments place great demands on couples. Often unintentional, the busyness of life can squash a marriage. One day, couples look at their spouses and see strangers because the spark of courtship is long gone or a wall of resentment replaces the loving feelings they once shared. Wise couples stop making excuses and choose to prioritize their marital relationships in the midst of daily life.
Modern communication tools make it easier than ever for couples to stay in touch. Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT who practices in Southbury, CT, notes that consistent emails, tweets or texts give couples greater satisfaction with their spouses. Couples who seem to have little time need to be more creative with staying connected. A simple smiley face or a thank you for taking out the garbage creates positive feelings and reminds the spouse of their beloved.
Additionally, couples who spend physical time together feel emotionally connected to their spouse. Date nights at home or on the town without the kids are a requirement for couples who wish to nurture their marriage. Couples also nurture their relationship when they share coffee in the morning, go to bed at the same time, find mutually fulfilling hobbies and write love letters.
Regular counseling also improves a couple’s emotional connection. Remo notes that by talking about feelings, thoughts and issues, couples prevent minor irritations from developing into major resentments, bitterness or divorce. Making an investment in routine counseling prioritizes the relationship, promotes peace and connects couples amidst the busyness of daily life.
Bryon Remo is a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in couples issues and challenging teenage behaviors. He serves the communities of Southbury, West Hartford, Watertown,Woodbury, Seymour, Monroe, Naugatuck, Torrington, Thomaston, Roxbury, Bridgewater and Danbury, Connecticut.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Couples Therapy for Maintenance
Many couples view therapy as a sign of weakness of their marriage being in trouble. Yet for many couples, the idea of regularly tuning up their marriage with some added insight, improved communication and action is often a small price to pay to maintain marital longevity.
Bryon Remo,licensed marital and family therapist, practicing in Southbury, Connecticut notes that, "Couples who engage in preventive counseling are often able to recognize that problems are an essential part of life and that maintaining closeness during times of trial is important for long term stability." They do not view conflict as a threat to their marriage, but instead see it as an opportunity for closeness. Couples counseling allows individuals to feel that they can weather whatever storm comes their way.
Couples that seek out therapy services are essentially feeding their marriage the gift of understanding, patience and giving. Most people who come to counseling are doing so in the aftermath of repeated patterns that have not shifted. They no longer see hopefulness going it alone. And yet, once they participate in counseling and can maintain an awareness of their desired outcomes, they often do quite well. This is true when ownership and willingness is high.
Bryon Remo strongly suggests that couples learn to play "tug o' war on the same side of the rope." That is to suggest that they view conflict as a shared problem as oppossed to a competitive process.
Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT
Licensed Marital and Family Therapist
Bryon Remo,licensed marital and family therapist, practicing in Southbury, Connecticut notes that, "Couples who engage in preventive counseling are often able to recognize that problems are an essential part of life and that maintaining closeness during times of trial is important for long term stability." They do not view conflict as a threat to their marriage, but instead see it as an opportunity for closeness. Couples counseling allows individuals to feel that they can weather whatever storm comes their way.
Couples that seek out therapy services are essentially feeding their marriage the gift of understanding, patience and giving. Most people who come to counseling are doing so in the aftermath of repeated patterns that have not shifted. They no longer see hopefulness going it alone. And yet, once they participate in counseling and can maintain an awareness of their desired outcomes, they often do quite well. This is true when ownership and willingness is high.
Bryon Remo strongly suggests that couples learn to play "tug o' war on the same side of the rope." That is to suggest that they view conflict as a shared problem as oppossed to a competitive process.
Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT
Licensed Marital and Family Therapist
Monday, January 30, 2012
Creating the Right Energy for a Healthy Divorce
Bryon Remo Primer on a Healthy Divorce
For long couples have stayed married for fear of harming their children, being alone, having their financial efforts crumble or avoiding ugly litigation that does further damage. Many parents do not realize that there are alternative ways to proceed during a divorce that has an outcome that is healing and helpful in moving forward.
Bryon Remo, a licensed marital and family therapist, notes that couples who long for a healthy divorce recognize that divorce should not be reduced to the pursuit of meeting one’s own needs and avoiding getting “screwed” as much as possible. Instead, it can be a collaborative and soul-searching process in which both parties realize that they needn’t be defined by their divorce. It can be shaped by the positive energy they put into creating a peaceful and empowering outcome. According to Remo, when couples recognize that their kindness and unselfishness empowers them, they often begin to feel a sense of confidence that divorce needn’t feel so ugly. Couples who use their divorce as an instrument for their own personal change often emerge on the other side a better person, parent and partner to their once spouse.To get to that end require a willingness to change old thought habits.
Bryon Remo suggests that couples who reinvent their relationship are able to do so because they use their painful past to assist their desired present. They come to understand hurtful words not merely as weapons but as information informing them of what’s still unfinished in their mindset. Creating a healthy divorce means caring about the process more that perhaps having ever cared about the marriage. Although this may sound odd, there is a need to use the process of divorce as a vehicle toward growth, not something that needs to be done as quickly as painlessly as possible. Remo further suggests that emotions serve as a source of illuminating what is needed in the process. Couples therapy can often help those pursuing divorce recognize that they can each truly find their best self through the process, not after its completion.
Bryon Remo is licensed marital and family therapist specializes in couples and adolescent issues. He practices in the Southbury, Connecticut area.When Bryon is not supporting families he is typically enjoying his own family, hiking, playing tennis, and performing stand-up comedy.
To learn more about Bryon Remo’s work go to the following links:
http://www.ctfamilycounseling.com/bryon_remo_index.html
http://www.bryonremo.blogspot.com/
http://bryonremo.wordpress.com/
http://bryonremo.weebly.com/
http://workface.com/e/bryonremo
http://bigsight.org/bryon_remo
For long couples have stayed married for fear of harming their children, being alone, having their financial efforts crumble or avoiding ugly litigation that does further damage. Many parents do not realize that there are alternative ways to proceed during a divorce that has an outcome that is healing and helpful in moving forward.
Bryon Remo, a licensed marital and family therapist, notes that couples who long for a healthy divorce recognize that divorce should not be reduced to the pursuit of meeting one’s own needs and avoiding getting “screwed” as much as possible. Instead, it can be a collaborative and soul-searching process in which both parties realize that they needn’t be defined by their divorce. It can be shaped by the positive energy they put into creating a peaceful and empowering outcome. According to Remo, when couples recognize that their kindness and unselfishness empowers them, they often begin to feel a sense of confidence that divorce needn’t feel so ugly. Couples who use their divorce as an instrument for their own personal change often emerge on the other side a better person, parent and partner to their once spouse.To get to that end require a willingness to change old thought habits.
Bryon Remo suggests that couples who reinvent their relationship are able to do so because they use their painful past to assist their desired present. They come to understand hurtful words not merely as weapons but as information informing them of what’s still unfinished in their mindset. Creating a healthy divorce means caring about the process more that perhaps having ever cared about the marriage. Although this may sound odd, there is a need to use the process of divorce as a vehicle toward growth, not something that needs to be done as quickly as painlessly as possible. Remo further suggests that emotions serve as a source of illuminating what is needed in the process. Couples therapy can often help those pursuing divorce recognize that they can each truly find their best self through the process, not after its completion.
Bryon Remo is licensed marital and family therapist specializes in couples and adolescent issues. He practices in the Southbury, Connecticut area.When Bryon is not supporting families he is typically enjoying his own family, hiking, playing tennis, and performing stand-up comedy.
To learn more about Bryon Remo’s work go to the following links:
http://www.ctfamilycounseling.com/bryon_remo_index.html
http://www.bryonremo.blogspot.com/
http://bryonremo.wordpress.com/
http://bryonremo.weebly.com/
http://workface.com/e/bryonremo
http://bigsight.org/bryon_remo
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Balancing Family Life with "Me" Time
Contemporary families are struggling in many ways- from making ends meet, to managing the schedules of several children, to finding the time to eat even one meal together per week, it is no surprise how couples feel strained and spent at the end of each week. To further complicate the universe, there is a need for each partner in a marriage or coupleship to have a little "me" time- hopefully free of guilt. This often gets cut from the budget and comes at a price tag that is difficult to gauge.
Having some time to cultivate individual desires outside of family life is often essential for couples to remain solidified. Although this may rightfully take the back seat to family obligations, for those who have personal passions, they needn't wait until their kids are fully launched to steal some time to themselves. Balancing family time with couples' time, along with individual time, is important for kids and spouses to remember that all parts of life need nurturing; and when they are completely abandoned, no matter how justified, they cannot help but suffer on some level.
Couples that talk openly and honestly about their needs are better able to create the time needed for some individual pursuits. Many times it is not a matter of how much time a member of a coupleship may have to him/herself that is important as much as it is about a mindfulness that each partner has about the other's personal pursuits. Couples that recognize the limitations of time are able to carefully schedule so that it doesn't get viewed as selfish or impossible. They view it as a key ingredient toward each being a better spouse, parent and family member.
Having a little "me" time often allows a parent to feel recharged and more capable of handling stressful circumstances that at times accompany family life. Hopefully couples that want to improve their marriage do not use their alone time to avoid marital/family issues, but rather to allow them the space to decompress and return more loving.
Bryon Remo CT, M.Ed., LMFT
http://www.ctfamilycounseling.com
Bryon Remo is a licensed marriage and family therapist serving Southbury, Newtown, Middlebury, Watertown, Oxford, Bridgewater, Roxbury, Monroe, Woodbury and other surrounding communities near Northern New Haven and Fairfield counties, Connecticut.
Having some time to cultivate individual desires outside of family life is often essential for couples to remain solidified. Although this may rightfully take the back seat to family obligations, for those who have personal passions, they needn't wait until their kids are fully launched to steal some time to themselves. Balancing family time with couples' time, along with individual time, is important for kids and spouses to remember that all parts of life need nurturing; and when they are completely abandoned, no matter how justified, they cannot help but suffer on some level.
Couples that talk openly and honestly about their needs are better able to create the time needed for some individual pursuits. Many times it is not a matter of how much time a member of a coupleship may have to him/herself that is important as much as it is about a mindfulness that each partner has about the other's personal pursuits. Couples that recognize the limitations of time are able to carefully schedule so that it doesn't get viewed as selfish or impossible. They view it as a key ingredient toward each being a better spouse, parent and family member.
Having a little "me" time often allows a parent to feel recharged and more capable of handling stressful circumstances that at times accompany family life. Hopefully couples that want to improve their marriage do not use their alone time to avoid marital/family issues, but rather to allow them the space to decompress and return more loving.
Bryon Remo CT, M.Ed., LMFT
http://www.ctfamilycounseling.com
Bryon Remo is a licensed marriage and family therapist serving Southbury, Newtown, Middlebury, Watertown, Oxford, Bridgewater, Roxbury, Monroe, Woodbury and other surrounding communities near Northern New Haven and Fairfield counties, Connecticut.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Maintaining Closeness With Little Free Time
If you live outside of Fairfield County, CT or Orange County, NY, and happen to commute to NYC each day, there is a great chance that you and the person you love do not spend the kind of time together you had imagined when daydreaming on the beach. Spending nearly 4 hours in some mode of transportation each day challenges couples to come up with creative ways to stay connected. And, to be sure, there are numerous ways to communicate (i.e. cellphones & social media); but none have the same feel as when you are in the presence and embrace of your lover.
Couples, therefore, have to invent ways to maintain closeness where little free time exists. It is not, however, as if time does not exist. It is how time is delegated despite its limited amount. Although there are some professions that are more demanding than others, those with limited time must maximize that which they have access to. For example, each morning there is an opportunity to set the alarm clock 15 minutes earlier for brief, but loving intimacy, chatter or coffee with your spouse. Not much, I know, but in creating sustaining relationships, it is often the small experiences that represents the glue which keeps love alive despite the race against the clock. When entering the door, there is often a need to decompress. This can be done through taking a hottub, watching t.v., checking emails, surfing the net, eating, etc. Or........connecting with your partner. And perhaps doing any of the above with them. Again, little time, but it is a choice how that time will look and feel.
It would seem essential for couples where one dwells in a vehicle for 1/10 of his or her existence to take care of one's health, to allow for the energy needed to stay truly present when arriving home after dinner hours. If life is reduced to work, whereby post-work becomes the "tired hours," then little closeness is likely to take place. Research shows that adults who exercise on a regular basis and maintain quality nutrition typically require less sleep than their counterparts. This adds up to free time with one's partner where others may already be snoring.
I am always interested in hearing people's thoughts on how they find ways to stay close to one another. I would love to hear your feedback that I would be happy to spread.
Cheers to love! :)
Bryon
http://www.remocounseling.com/
Couples, therefore, have to invent ways to maintain closeness where little free time exists. It is not, however, as if time does not exist. It is how time is delegated despite its limited amount. Although there are some professions that are more demanding than others, those with limited time must maximize that which they have access to. For example, each morning there is an opportunity to set the alarm clock 15 minutes earlier for brief, but loving intimacy, chatter or coffee with your spouse. Not much, I know, but in creating sustaining relationships, it is often the small experiences that represents the glue which keeps love alive despite the race against the clock. When entering the door, there is often a need to decompress. This can be done through taking a hottub, watching t.v., checking emails, surfing the net, eating, etc. Or........connecting with your partner. And perhaps doing any of the above with them. Again, little time, but it is a choice how that time will look and feel.
It would seem essential for couples where one dwells in a vehicle for 1/10 of his or her existence to take care of one's health, to allow for the energy needed to stay truly present when arriving home after dinner hours. If life is reduced to work, whereby post-work becomes the "tired hours," then little closeness is likely to take place. Research shows that adults who exercise on a regular basis and maintain quality nutrition typically require less sleep than their counterparts. This adds up to free time with one's partner where others may already be snoring.
I am always interested in hearing people's thoughts on how they find ways to stay close to one another. I would love to hear your feedback that I would be happy to spread.
Cheers to love! :)
Bryon
http://www.remocounseling.com/
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
How to Determine the Length of Therapy
Many times clients want a sense of how long they will need to be in therapy. Of course they have the freedom to leave at any moment or session that they choose to never return again- thus, it depends predominately on them. However, for those that entrust the wisdom of therapists there should be a distinction made between those clients that are highly motivated to change and those that are simply appeasing others. For the latter I would suggest less than one session and for the former, an agreed upon time frame can be useful when trying to target goals. This can hold people accountable for trying to genuinely create change outside the therapy walls. However, for those that appreciate the ebb and flow of therapy and the uncertainties in life that keep structured work from always making sense, a time frame may not be a useful concept. In the age of Quick Fixes, it is good practice for therapists to suggest the possibilities that can exist in short and long term treatment. This can then be paired with a client's desire for a timetable or not. I do think their is a place for establishing a time frame- however, this can put an unnecessary pressure on both client and therapist alike. What makes more sense is to have a timetable to take stock of the process of change as oppossed to the achievement of specific goals. The nature of goal setting can be quite productive, so long as it allows for the flexibility to shift gears if the therapy calls for such.
Cheers,
Bryon Remo
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Southbury, CT
Specializing in Couples and Adolescent Issues.
Cheers,
Bryon Remo
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Southbury, CT
Specializing in Couples and Adolescent Issues.
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